Well, it happened. With the number two pick in the NBA draft, The Los Angeles Lakers selected Lonzo Ball. I knew it was going to happen, yet the dread still waved over me. Right now I should be celebrating. My beloved Lakers took a kid who has put up some crazy numbers, and has drawn comparisons to Magic Johnson and Jason Kidd. I should be over the moon, but I am not. Why am I pouting? Because of our new official ties to his father: LaVar Ball.
First, let me be clear and establish that Lonzo has been the polar opposite of his father in public. He seems a bit reserved, shy, and respectful. This is a case of the son paying for the father’s sins. Now, you may think that I am being unfair to Lonzo. After all, don’t we all have relatives who say crazy things? I know my family has staged multiple interventions for a certain family member regarding her social media postings. However, Lonzo has confirmed that his dad speaks for him and he loves it. That is my problem. If LaVar was just some crazy parent who Lonzo denounced, then no one would give him that much attention. Instead, Lonzo has fed the beast and turned him into this media crazed, power hungry, sexist creature. Remind you of anyone else in our news right now?
Once he was drafted, LaVar immediately put on a Big Baller Brand hat in all Lakers colors. It actually made me feel nauseous. My first thought, was that I hope the Lakers have a patent on those exact colors and can sue LaVar for using it. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who noticed the hat. After he was drafted these were the trending topics on Twitter:
Can you think of another draft pick whose father was discussed this much? I sure can’t. They have 3 trending topics on Twitter! Shaq’s own son is a superstar in the making, but you barely hear Shaq discuss it. He has very much taken a back seat on his son’s success. Instead, LaVar has become the ultimate leech taking full advantage of the Lakers and their brand. I have never been so concerned for the Lakers brand in my life. This guy is already diluting it with his gross Big Baller Brand.
What makes me even angrier, is knowing that this is not the end, but rather the beginning. LaVar is obviously going to pitch his family to all the networks for their very own reality show. Can’t you imagine their show following the Kardashians? I would like to remind all our fans, that the last Laker to appear on a reality show ended up overdosing in a whore house. Draw your own conclusions.
Magic and company obviously know who they are getting with Lonzo and his father. Lordy I hope they are able to control them, because now they belong to us.
Now that Lonzo has joined the Lakers, it means he will be under extreme scrutiny from me and the rest of the fans. Unlike most draft picks though, he has now put a bullseye on his back. He created his own shoe line before he was even drafted and had the audacity to charge $500 for them. Lonzo hasn’t done anything yet.
As I was getting ready to hit the publish button, I got a B/R alert that LaVar Ball just ran his mouth again and promised that the Lakers will make the playoffs this year. His dad has done a lot of shit talking, now Lonzo better deliver. If he can’t, then he will be feeling more heat than the residents of Arizona. Just because we drafted him, doesn’t mean he will be a Laker for life, just go ask D’Angelo Russell. This is the first time I have looked at one of our draft picks with actual animosity, so he better prove me wrong. Therefore, I would like to conclude with a message to Lonzo: “Welcome to LA.”